futility

Some people go through hard times and come out stronger. 

Some of us buckle with hard times and some, it seems don’t have hard times at all.

I fit into the second category, I think and hope. 

Miriam’s illness and death have not strengthened my faith in anything but futility. I’m slowly coming back from the edge, but I am not coming back to the place I used to be. I seem to be on the same edge, but half a mile down.

Everything has changed, everything is new and yet nothing is new. I met a lot of new people, made friends with a few. I found and married a new woman and life goes on. Sharon is a good woman. She lost her husband not long before I lost Miriam. She understands more than she says. 

I haven’t asked her about her inner conflicts. Not sure she could put them into words.  From the outside she seems to fit in with the people that never get unnerved, no matter what happens, the ones that never have a bad day. I know that is not true. I tear up more readily than she does, but I have seen her eyes overflowing with tears. 

But life goes on.